This is a big post mainly about me moaning about people. Every day I get irritated by my fellow humans who seem to be consistent in their methods of pissing me right off. So if you are one of those people who press the lift button once it’s been pressed to call it or press the “Ground” button when it is already illuminated, or maybe you might be one of those idiots who press the lift button repeatedly as for some reason that will activate the supersonic lift power. If you are not one of those then you may be the idiot who presses the pedestrian crossing button because you know what, I didn’t think of pressing it when I arrived to cross the road.  If you are one of these people then you will be offended in this blog post. Well I say offended, what I mean is I’m slagging you off but you will be to stupid to realise.

I have to every day suffer the terrible conditions of the human race. People who seem to of lost the ability to walk in a straight line, or at a pace that might be faster than a snail. Having to put up with people who have pushchairs, that feel the need to right turn in front of you. Passengers at railways stations that pull their luggage on the 3 meter handle that extrudes from the baggage compartment. When they turn a corner or add a slight bend into their walk causing you to trip over the bag that could be carried or whose contents be placed in a holdall or rucksack. The drivers (A word I use loosely) of these stupid wheeled cases seem to have no thought for others behind or around them.

But these don’t wide me up more than the idiots who just stop, or dawdle along the street. I can remember on a comedy show on Radio 4 some comedians having a debate about pedestrians using the rules of the road. I tend to agree, maybe every one should wear a helmet with lights, so they can indicate if they want to turn left or stop. Even better let’s introduce lanes. Mothers and pushchairs, old people, and shoppers who dart in and out of shops should hug the shop fronts. Those people in more of a hurry like me should have use to the outside lane, where we can walk at speed rather rather than darting in and out like bumble bee’s. The middle lane will be for people who wish to talk to friends. With the use of the hat, people can change lanes easily notifying the surrounding public to their actions.

Several times I have waited to cross the road. Most of the crossings in Manchester will change the green man as they are built into the timer function. Those that aren’t need to be pressed. But what I can’t stand is people who come along and press a button that has already been pressed, and they will continue to press it, as if the amount of presses relates to the number of seconds the Green Man will appear. These numpties also do it in the lift and out of the lift. I travel around the UK a lot with my work, and have stayed in a lot of hotels. I walk towards the lift I press the call button. Sooner or later other people will join, and press the button to call the lift. Why? I’m not just standing by a lift for the fun of it??? Once in a lift you don’t need to press the button to your floor every time some one new gets in the lift, we now live in the 21st Century and i some what feel a modern lift does remember the information you imputed.

Of course this is small fry compared to people who still can not use simple technology that has been around for years. For me it is pin number, cash, amount, go and spend. So why do people in front of me take an age to withdraw money? What are they doing? it is not helped that every cash machine is a different screen layout but the principles are the same. There use to be a time when going to the self-service checkout use to be quicker than getting in line to be served by a miserable bitch at the Boots counter for your lunch. But these muppets soon cottoned on that people were scanning and paying for their Meal Deal a lot quicker than they were being served. So they joined the queue for the self checkout. Bloody great. Self checkout is only quick, if you know what you’re doing. Scanning food across a laser is not hard but yet you look at the imbecile moving the packet from left to right until they hear a beep. God if it was brain surgery Sainsburys would employ people with degrees to sit behind these scanners, but they don’t because a monkey can do it which is how and why these companies think and to some level expect there customers to be able to work the machines. However the general public seem to fall at this hurdle, let alone managing to place the item into the bagging area, and selecting the correct payment type. It is now quicker to queue and be served by a moody bitch.

I must say that some of these people don’t just exist on the pavement or in shops. They are also on the road, but I will save that for another blog. Don’t get me wrong, people should be allowed out to shop and walk the streets, but they shouldn’t do it when I’m out. I like to walk from A to B and it seems that people who also want to walk from A to B seem to weave and sway as they have no concept of a straight line. Manchester is great for its backstreets. The rabbit warrens for walkers who don’t wish to walk up Market Street, where you would have some 14 year old twat dancing away, surrounded by a crowd of morons blocking the way. (14 yr old is that Simpson/Sampson kid who every one has forgotten, because he wasn’t really that good in the first place)

I would love to walk up Manchester High Street and smack the bible bashers in the face, I would love to smack the back of other people’s heads and yell “try walking you spanner” I will under my breath often say words to that effect. People just annoy me when out. You should do a test before you can roam the shopping centres by your self. If you are unable to step on and off a escalator without hesitation then you can move to the next part of the test which involves being able to walk in a straight line at a constant speed with the flow of the traffic. I suppose what I am saying is maybe the rules of road and lets face it are there for good reason should be applied to the streets with one added condition that when you hold you arm out to indicate your manoeuvre, you can keep your arm stretched so you whack your fellow slow pedestrian.



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